Move your body. That’s literally it. The more I move my body, the better I feel and the more in control I feel. Like it’s almost night and day. Confidence oozes out of me when I’ve just completed a good workout or had a solid run, and I can’t recall another time in my life when I’ve felt this good for this long.
It’s all because I’ve made an emphasis on staying healthy and exercising more. By focusing my day on self-improvement instead of just trying to get by, I’ve put the balance of power in my own hands. Every day when I wake up, I have another chance to grow and train my body to reach new heights and face new challenges. I used to be afraid of failure and afraid of working hard, but I’ve realized that the only way to get good things in life is through hard work, and with hard work comes failure. The more you try to do, the more you’ll likely fail. But at the same time, you learn to cope with failure and turn it into a positive situation, while also surely running into the occasional success in the process.
Many people simply give up after the first failure, or will get stuck in a rut of what seems like many failures. The truth is that in most of these cases they didn’t fail at their task, they failed themselves. They didn’t believe in themselves enough to make their dream a reality, or couldn’t make the leap for a better life when being comfortable was easier. The solution for this is having the understanding that in life you have to take what you want; you have to have the guts to carve the life you want into the stone of reality. If you don’t like your job, then find a new one. If you don’t like where you live, move. If you want a better life, make it happen. It’s as simple as taking your life into your own hands and making it happen.
In today’s society, it’s easy to get sidetracked focusing on day to day struggles or pleasures, and forget the goals we’ve set for ourselves. In my case, we sometimes even forget to set goals. This means some people, like me, are just coasting through life hoping for something great to happen to them without putting in any effort to make such an event happen. To me, this is the equivalent of a gardener expecting a garden to appear suddenly every spring without any intervention. Obviously every now and then we do get some unexpected survivors of the winter or perennial plants popping up again, but we can’t expect this to be tame or even expect this to occur at all without any proper care. The careless gardener will let his crops grow as they please, which will bring in weeds and fails to properly nourish the garden. To take this example up another level, this would be the equivalent of a passerby expecting the vacant lot next door to not only thrive, but to also somehow magically fall into his possession once this does occur. One simply cannot expect success from a garden that isn’t cared for, and the same goes for life. We have to take ownership of ourselves to ensure everything we do is nourishing us and pushing us to be the best person possible, just like a gardener would do to ensure he has a thriving garden. If one’s livelihood is staked upon it, it’s essential to take measures to ensure your success. This means self-care and setting proper goals is critical to achieving your dreams.
One of my biggest challenges recently has been facing the unhealthy habits I’ve carelessly built up over the years. I conquered my addition to tobacco over 2 years ago, and this was the beginning of my journey. I started working out again, but life changes came in slowly. I finally started to eat breakfast and tried to get some nutrition in my life shortly after this. Which is insane to look back on now, I used to literally never eat a breakfast and would survive on energy drinks to get me through lunch. Lunch was my next challenge. I was always going out to fast food for lunch and eating whatever sounded good, mostly things like the always popular KFC, Burger King and Taco Bell. I’d still order food for lunch, but instead I’d be more mindful of the items I’m ordering, opting for a grilled chicken or salad, or generally anything not too fatty or greasy. These were baby steps, but some of the most important building blocks. Once I got some of this down, I spent a good long while just trying to figure out how to have energy to make it through a day of work and class. I tried waking up early to incorporate workouts, which didn’t last. Eventually I learned I had to balance my work and play in order to live a healthy life, and this meant discipline. So, starting with no drinking, I started cutting down my vices and living a healthier life. I made better eating decisions, cut out snacks and sodas, drank more water, no more energy drinks, and no alcohol. I made it almost 2 months of no drinking before choosing to drink again, but on an occasional and very controlled basis. Still, with all this, I’ve slowly learned the importance of discipline and moderation.
Shortly after all of this, I was diagnosed with LPR and had to seriously reconsider my lifestyle. I was forced to quit vaping, change my eating habits to cut out fatty, spicy, greasy and sugary foods. I had to make sure dinner was 3 hours before bed, and take medicine religiously to help with the symptoms. And I’ll be honest, none of this came easily. I love spicy and unhealthy foods. I love greasy food and a good burger, and I hate the feeling of having a restricted diet. But I took a deep look at myself and realized I’d rather be healthy and rid myself of these problems than stay stuck in my habits and never know the freedom of not having throat pain. So, reluctantly, I slowly started changing my diet and making adjustments for food, timing of food, when i sleep, how long I sleep, when I wake up, how I start my day, and how i end my day. There’s so much I’m also starting to notice, but by making these minor adjustments and making note of what works and what doesn’t, for the first time in my life I’m actually troubleshooting my own problems and taking them into my own hands. Most aren’t solved yet, but I feel like every day that try something new I’m getting one step closer to finding my best self.
On this final stretch, I’ve noticed I have 4 big addictions left to conquer. The first of which is nicotine, which I can proudly say I’m 26 days free of. I’m still experiencing some cravings, but this was and is an insanely challenging journey. I almost caved so many times, but I learned in the process just how strong I am mentally when I set my mind to something. The second is porn addiction, which I’ve also started the journey on toward recovery. I’ll admit I started this one on the same day as nicotine, but gave up on this one quickly out of weakness. I started again just about 3 days ago, and feel that I can handle the challenge now that I’ve faced nicotine, tobacco, and alcohol. This one is odd in that it doesn’t seem as bad as the others, but really makes you think how those couple of minutes every day can relate to so many health issues. By abstaining for just a few days, I’ve already noticed the boost in testosterone and just a general sense of being better. The third and fourth addictions I have yet to begin on the path to get away from, but feel these should be next in line on my path to success. Caffeine is certainly not the worst drug in the world, but I drink it daily and feel a sense of withdrawal when I don’t have it. I’d like to see if I can get away from wanting or needing caffeine so I can feel freedom and again not have any unnecessary attachments. Most things are okay in moderation, but when used daily or when depended upon, this is clearly a bit of a problem. Which leads to the final vice, THC.
I’ve had this internal debate going for what seems like YEARS, where i contemplate how great my life would be if I could just give up smoking for a little while or for a long while if possible. But I can just never come around to doing it, because I always convince myself that at the base of everything, this vice is the healthiest and makes me feel the best. This is the one thing that out of anything I consider my foundation and core of self-preservation. When I feel down, I smoke. When I’m celebrating, I smoke. When I wake up and when I go to bed, I smoke. Most of my life is a perpetual cycle of me getting stoned, getting through whatever it is that I’m about to do, then getting stoned again as soon as I’m free again. I used to smoke as a way to expand my mind and let myself relax, but after all these years the core beliefs and reasons seemed to blend together with habit. I now just feel like I don’t know how to handle the feeling of being sober, because it’s scary being on my own and not having that guiding hand always holding me up. Now that I think about it, it all seems pretty silly that I’ve gone this long without taking even a full 2 days off smoking just because I’m scared to not feel comfortable for a little bit. I’ve convinced myself that smoking relieves my anxiety and helps me relax, makes me more creative, and in general makes me a happier and more productive person. In reality, now that I’ve been studying myself I’ve noticed how much more sluggish, lazy, unconcerned and generally stupid I feel when I smoke. It seems it may even cause some of my anxiety, and might be more anxiety created than what I was originally avoiding. I just feel like I’ve unintentionally caught myself in this pattern of feeling down on myself, getting high to feel better, then feeling down on myself for being high, getting through whatever I’m doing until I can get high then get high as a reward then go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. I know weed isn’t the end of the world when it comes to addictions, but having been so addicted to it for so long is clearly unhealthy. I’ve said so many times that I want freedom to know all my choices and actions are my own without any cravings or desires. Yet I have this deep rooted belief that I need to be high at all times, or at least can be high as often as I want, without any significant repercussions. And it’s mind blowing because I’ve been a first-hand witness to all these times when I’ve been foolishly high and unable to do my work, unable to communicate or think properly, and have failed simply because I was high. It’s all so contradictory that it almost hurts. Yet I guarantee tonight I’ll smoke, and tomorrow too. It’s so hard to stay consistent in avoiding this one since it’s been my cornerstone for quitting everything else unhealthy in my life. I guess I just have to find something to replace it.
This is where everything needs to all loop together. I believe my key to freedom is activity and fitness. By focusing on my fitness and strength, as well as my mental clarity and overall mental health, I believe I can channel that feeling of greatness and energy that I get from a successful workout and use it to motivate me through the day. If I avoid the initial craving to smoke early in the morning and instead push myself to grow through some sort of physical exercise, then I think I can ride that through the day until my work is over. If I want to smoke at that point I guess I don’t see any harm, as long as nobody is effected and my mind and health are not compromised because of it. I think part of my challenge in this is just getting out of habits that I let go on too long. I’m lazy and sluggish at home, which leads to snacking and smoking and other vices. Bad choices bring more bad choices, and these can chain together into a really unhealthy situation. But it’s also possible to break that chain, and I’m starting to find the more I break this chain, the easier it is to build onto the healthy side of my habits and the easier it is to continue breaking bad habits.
At the end of the day, I know I’m headed for success very soon, but I need to ensure my mind is in the right space. If I keep living life without any purpose or intention, I may not find the success I’m looking for. I’ve laid out the path, and I have all the tools available to me to make this happen. It’s now entirely up to me to see it through.