Sup peeps. I haven’t had a good post in a while and I feel talkative today, so let’s get back at it.
I received a text message last week that might change my life. I don’t want to give too much information since nothing is finalized yet, but I might have found an incredible opportunity to start my massage business in my free time. I can’t even say found, since it actually fell right into my lap after doing absolutely nothing for nearly 9 months after graduation. Needless to say, I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity and excited to see where this challenge will lead me.
Here’s the thing: I’m scared shitless.
Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it’s not far from the truth either. This is my big break and also the moment of truth. I would finally be my own boss, doing my own thing and selling myself as a therapist. If i succeed or fail, it’s entirely on me. I know it’s okay to fail though, and even if I were to mess up I know I would have other options. But I know this is something I want to do, and I finally have a chance to prove myself in a setting where I’d have guidance yet still be able to call all my own shots. It’s an opportunity I can’t pass up. And yet, somehow I’m still worried.
I spent my lunch break pondering this, and with some guidance from one of my favorite bloggers I think I’ve arrived at a solution, even if i don’t like the answer. It’s resilience, baby.
So here’s how I see it. There’s this big roadblock, let’s call it a boulder, that’s preventing me from moving forward in my life. I’ve worked hard to get to this road and to this spot on the road, but now for some reason I can’t get past this one boulder. Now I have about 3 options here. I can sit and wait for something or someone to move the boulder for me so I can keep going. I can turn around and try to find another path. Or i can take the boulder head on and move it myself.
Let’s take these one at a time and connect it to my predicament. If i were to sit and wait, I could be waiting forever for someone to guide me into a position that might not even be a great fit for me. Sure I might get handed an opportunity to massage a billionaire once a year and be able to retire off those earnings, but that’s about as likely as me learning to grow wings. I also don’t really like the idea of letting the direction of my career be decided by someone else, even if it is a great opportunity. I’ve worked hard enough to know what I want out of life, and I won’t settle for anything less. I’d prefer to take my life in my own hands.
The second option isn’t very appetising either. Sure I can turn around and go back to what I have been doing, but what will that accomplish? I came all this way and put in so much time and effort into being great at this. Is that all for nothing? Or will I keep going and do something amazing with the new skills I’ve developed? Of course it’s never too late to try something new, but this is working and I like that I’m doing, so why stop here?
This takes us to option 3. Move the fucking boulder. How hard is it to step up and say alright, it’s time to do it? I’ll tell you. It’s not that hard. But it takes a lot of willpower and courage, that’s for damn sure. This is where resilience comes in. Using the imagery from the metaphor still, it’s daunting as hell to look at that large boulder I want to move on my own. With bare hands, it’ll probably take every ounce of muscle and stamina I have to get it started, but if I slow down or mess up i could be crushed by the weight. So if i don’t use every bit of what I have to make this work, i could get stuck here and fail.
Here’s the thing. I’m not using my bare hands at all. I went to school for this, I graduated top of my class, and I have the confidence and skill of someone who’s excelled at every step of the way in me. In this scenario, I worked incredibly hard while getting to that boulder and built a fully loaded skid steer that’s specifically made to lift this sucker. Now I just have to turn the key to get it running and the rest is easy.
So really this is just a message to myself to remind me that I can do it. I’ve put in the time, the effort, the energy, and I know I have it all in me. I don’t need anything else other than my best effort to make this work. And I’m sure that once i get going and see the fruits of my labor, all the feelings of doubt and worry will be lifted. This is what I feel passionate about. This is what I want to do to truly give back to my community and feel like I’m fulfilling my potential. It’s time to entertain the possibility that I can do great things with this.
On a final note, I keep having this feeling of wanting to back out and just stay home, ignoring the whole situation entirely. It’s silly and irrational, but for some reason I have this deep seeded fear of failure and exposing myself that I’m afraid will surface if I try to do something and get overwhelmed. Don’t let this happen. Don’t let this turn into a regret. Don’t let your chance pass without a fight. I’ve earned this and I deserve the opportunity to prove to myself that I can do it. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by fear, but the pain of regret stings so much more. Be resilient. Be strong. I’ve trained for this and I can do it. Believe in yourself brother. Greatness is just around the corner.
As always, thanks for reading. Rock on, stay strong.