Feel Good Post

Today has been a good day, and at the moment I’m feeling quite pleased with myself and the direction of my life. So I thought I’d make a quick post to dig in a little to see what’s causing this positive wave of energy.

To start, physically I feel amazing. My body is not hurting anywhere, I feel well rested, well trained, and have a body that I’m proud of. It’s still in progress by all accounts, but still I’m incredibly proud of how far I’ve come already. I think one of the biggest motivators recently has been the idea of my ancestors and family looking down on me while I live my life. I think of everything they had to go through, all of the hopes and dreams they had, the love, passions and desire they must have experienced. I think about the hopes they had for their legacy, the dreams they passed down from generation to generation and the mentality they hoped to have live on. And finally I think of how I want to pay respect to the people that have made my life possible, the ones who carried me this far and gave me the opportunity to have a life. I’ve been blessed so much more than I can imagine. Taking this into consideration, it becomes very easy to hold my head up high.

This translates over to mental fitness too. I’ve noticed I’m much more in control of my thoughts and emotions recently, largely due to my advancements in meditation. I’ve found I can catch emotions as they arrive and choose whether or not I want to act on them, and this has given me an immense sense of power and control. This has led to thinking more clearly, more organized planning and a better sense of direction in my day to day life. I can see my goals in front of me and know what I have to do to achieve them.

Finally, I’ve come to terms with being myself. This sounds stupid to type out, and feels even more stupid to defend the fact, but it’s honestly the truth. I think a lot of my struggles in my adult life have been due to me reaching for something in life that I wasn’t prepared to fully pursue, or setting goals that I had no feasible way of accomplishing or even attempting. For example, it’s mostly a pipe dream at this point, but I’ve always wanted to be insanely rich, have the best and newest technology, a huge mansion, all the friends, and work a swanky high-profile multi-million dollar job that gives me all sort of confidence and swag. Now to be fair this is still technically possible, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe I wasn’t destined for all of that. And more importantly, do I even want or need any of that?

I’ve noticed recently that many of my decisions over the past few years have been ways to escape the reality i’m living, like finding ways around the inevitable life I have and the friends and family I’ve been dealt. It’s not that I thought I was dealt a bad hand, but rather that I wanted to hide my mistakes and start over again with people that won’t know of all the mistakes I’ve made. I can understand why I thought that way, but now I realize just how important going through all of that can be, and why we’re given the people in life that we have. We grow through connections and by building up, not just yourself but the people around you too. If i hide or run from my mistakes, then I’ll never be able to learn or grow from them. Which i guess is okay if i’m alright with always making the same mistakes… but i don’t think anyone wants that.

So all of this is to say that I’ve accepted myself for being the college failure, the drug consumer, and heavy drinker during my younger adult life. That’s part of who I was, but not who I am. I know I’m a proud and talented person that can do anything I set my mind to, and nothing can change that. Sure I’ve made mistakes, but I grow from them and don’t let them bring me down. I’m okay being this guy that I’ve grown into. I honestly really like myself when I’m just being me. I’m kind, fun to be around, curious, exciting, motivating, and in general someone that I’m proud of when I think like this. Mentality goes a long way, and might just be the difference between the old, depressed me and the new me that I’m starting to see more and more of every day.

As always, thanks for reading if you made it this far. Rock on, be strong. See you next time.