Let’s just start by saying the basic truth: being great is not easy. A quote I like to think about is “In order to be in the top 1%, you have to be willing to do what the other 99% will not.” This means not only working harder than the other 99, but being smarter. I have to outperform and dominate in order to meet that goal, which is unfortunately a long way from where I am now. But I’ve made some steps in the past few weeks, and I’d like to discuss some of that now.
On a starting note, one of the biggest challenges I’ve put myself up against recently is the semen retention challenge for 30 days. Well, I failed. I made it 10 days before finally breaking, which is honestly much longer than I originally would have imagined I’d go. I’ll admit my goal was the full 30 days as mentioned in a previous post, and failing at 10 days was in many ways a disappointment. However, I also see it as a milestone and a reference point for what my willpower can do at it’s limits. You have to admit, 10 days isn’t too shabby. The rumor is that 90% of guys fail within the first 7 days. So making it to day 10 is already putting me ahead of at least 90% of the population in terms of mental willpower and discipline over my manly urges. I now know a few things about myself that I feel like I can use to help me push further next time. First, everything is sexual when it comes to women Everything. Humans at our core are sexual beings, and so it’s only natural to have these desires. It’s important not to try to shut them out, because this will only make me want them more. Instead, the trick is to transmute this energy. It really doesn’t matter what you transmute it into, as long as you put your energy into it and it’s literally anything other than pleasuring yourself. This can be anything from reading, writing, meditating, working out, drawing, playing games, studying a new language, revisiting my goals, you get the picture. Just something that can take that energy for a beneficial purpose.
Another quote goes ‘Where the focus goes, the energy flows”. In this sense, controlling behavior comes down to controlling where thoughts flow. If my mind immediately starts fantasizing about sexual thoughts when I see a beautiful women, then that’s where my energy will flow and I’ll be at risk of losing control. But instead, if I let that thought come and just drift through, I realize I don’t have to bring attention to every thought that comes to mind. I can just relax and continue to focus on the beneficial practices in my life. Transmuting this energy means finding practices that challenge my mind when I’m finding this attraction and desire. Unless this is with a real woman and for love making purposes, I should not and have no need to participate in the act of sex. Instead, since this is not happening, the idea is to control the urges in a form of training. The goal is simple. To retain the manly power within myself and let it overflow into my daily life. With overflowing power, attracting women and finding confidence should some naturally. It’s also about being able to interact with others better. Having such a strong libido that is expended in secrecy really damages the male brain. It’s like rewiring it to think this type of pleasure can be had at any time without work or sacrifice. Anyone who knows anything can tell you that if it comes easy, it’s not worth having. You have to work for the good things in life. By getting that immediate gratification, you skip the entire process that thousands of generations of men have completed already to achieve success. You think that just because it’s available, that now it’s okay to abandon thousands of years of evolution and tradition? No! Restraint and discipline are the marks of a strong man, and the strongest are men that are rock solid in their beliefs. These men do not waver, they follow a firm internal code, and above all else do not fear anything. The strongest men instead become the thing to be feared.
This is where my practice in mindful awareness for becoming more manly kicks in. I realize I’m too nice. I’m afraid to say things that will upset others or rock the boat. I often lie to make people feel better. The bottom line is that I’m controlled by a lot of fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of failure, and fear of appearing less than perfect. By fearing all these things, I create a false sense of reality to make myself appear more loved, respected or worthwhile than I feel I am. I’ve now learned that in order to get past this, I need to first accept the fact that it’s okay to upset others. In fact, it’s normal to have people that you don’t get along with or even hate. Having haters means you believe in something enough to be hated for it. Which to me is much better than being a nobody that doesn’t believe in anything. I think my pattern of trying to always make people happy put extra stress on myself when unreasonable people wouldn’t let me help them. In reality there’s just a lot of unreasonable people that don’t deserve the extra time of day. By learning to say no to these people and refusing to let them influence my mental state, I build up an internal confidence and external shield to protect everything that I hold dear to me as a man.
Take the office for instance. It’s been growing more and more clear that the girls will use my work ethic as a crutch to allow them to slack off. In the current predicament, there’s not much I can do to stop it without entirely changing the dynamic of the office. Because of this, I often get bogged down mentally since it feels like I’m being unfairly treated. While this may be true, I have to consider the facts of the situation. There are things I can control and things I cannot control. I can’t control how my coworkers act or how they will handle a given situation. I can’t make my customers better, nor can I avoid the situations I find stressful because they bring up difficult topics. Being a man and being a good human in general is all about taking control of your life and your actions. With this said, it seems to me that in order to handle the challenges my life is throwing at me, the best defense I can give myself is an internal sense of control over my thoughts and actions. You can’t enter my castle if there are no cracks to get in through. A good character will allow me to create a literal army of defenses around me at all times that I can use at will to protect the homeland and my internal sense of cool.
Which brings me to one point of life that I always fail at. This is channeling that inner confidence and being the man I know I am deep down. The thing for me is that when I’m confronted with stress, every single time I revert back to the scared little boy that can’t handle himself. For example, when the new dean from Orion called yesterday about the half hour they wanted me to make up. I completely dropped my man card by stuttering through the first part of the call due to confusion with my AirPods connecting at the wrong time. You can chalk this up to a simple mistake, but I’m also seeing this as a situation where stakes were low and yet I still struggled to display masculine energy. I could have easily called in with confidence, especially as a recent graduate, but I let myself get flustered way too easily, which led to me stuttering and essentially dropping all manliness I had going in. I was still successful in the point of the call, but much was left to be desired. Looking at this now, it’s becoming clear that the only way to make sure I can strengthen my inner resolve is through training. Every day. No more easy days, no more slacking off and no more cheat days. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for because, quite honestly, I’m too soft. If I can harden my brain, the lifestyle I want will follow.
So once again the cycle continues, with the base of everything being my own personal desires against the goals and dreams I’ve set for myself. It’s pleasure versus purpose. And you know the saying. PURPOSE OVER PLEASURE BABY!!! PURPOSE OVER PLEASURE SON!! The whole point of living is to live, experience new things and feel the rush of emotions as they arrive. We can’t control the flow of emotions, but we can control how we handle and react to those feelings. Simply put, focus on the things that give you purpose and avoid the pleasures that allow you to relax. Stay hard, stay hungry and stay motivated. I think I’m starting to get the base of that saying now.