What’s up party people?! It’s been way too long since my last post. I haven’t felt up to writing in a while, but these past few days I’ve felt motivated to get back to doing things that make me feel like myself again. So here’s to getting back on that horse.
Well a lot has happened since my last post… unfortunately nothing that I’m proud to share here yet, but still. I just don’t feel like I’ve been doing enough with myself recently, or really ever. I’ve lost my motivation and am back to the shell of a guy that’s going through the motions again. But I’m starting to recognize this again, and with some help from new approaches I’m making steps to start that change.
This new approach is through magick. I’ll admit i’m still extremely green to the subject, but I’m absolutely fascinated by it and very curious to learn more. Essentially, as i understand it, magick is all about understanding the divine connection between all beings, and by focusing our own energy, we can help shape and manifest experiences with divine forces and unexplainable energies. This is of course a very rough description, but I think that’s fair for someone so new to the practice.
Honestly the part that’s so fascinating to me is that there’s seemingly much more to this obsession than this being just another fad, which has been the case for many of my recent adventures. Instead, this time i’ve actually been aware of this practice for years, through one of my favorite shows, the Midnight Gospel. One episode struck me in particular, so much so that i found the original dialogue for this episode on youtube (the show contains snippets of interviews with Duncan Trussel and guests on his podcast) and have watched it close to 30 times now. This doesn’t seem too bad until you realize this was a 90 minute interview on the practice and use of magick.
Now like most people, at first I just thought this was a unique and fascinating form of religious practice, and wrote it off the same way I would studying buddhism or hinduism. Sure they’re intriguing and widely recognized forms of practice, but there’s very little personal connection there. So I set it aside as a fun thing to think about and moved on.
Yet, as time passed so did my curiosity. I would watch this video at least once a month, sometimes more, mostly because it gave me hope. Yet it never occured to me that there might be something more happening here. Until a few weeks ago.
It finally occurred to me that I’ve never obsessed like this over any religious practice before, or really anything for that matter. Sure I get quick motivational boosts to look into new studies, but often that ends after a few days. Yet here i am, nearly 3 years after discovering this practice and I’m still fascinated by it. Taking this as a clue, i’ve decided to jump in full force into this study.
Here’s the thing. I’m not tied to this in any way. I could quit tomorrow and be okay with myself. But this is promising a life with better control of the mind, better control of my body and an unexplainable connection to the divine and energies I’ve never even imagined. It’s a bit out there, but at this point what do i have to lose? It can’t hurt to try, and if it helps then here we go. It’s just about time to start getting excited about things again, and magick is helping me feel that way again.
As far as actual practice goes, I’m still building my confidence and routine there. I’ve practiced just about every other day, and so far everything has been going well. It’s just about sticking with it. One positive note already – during not one, but two different meditation sessions, I felt an unusual energy surge through me. Not like a caffeine or sugar rush, but like a spiritual energy, very similar to the feeling of accomplishment after a big win or a long fought battle. I could feel myself relaxing to a level i haven’t been at in months, maybe even years, and have found some very interesting abilities within my mind and body already. For example, I’m much more imaginative than I thought. I never thought I’d have so much ease visualizing all of these scenarios the programs have created for me to visualize, and I truly feel like I’m excelling at this first stage of practice. It seems most of the trouble people would have is not taking this seriously, and I can see how if you come into this half-hearted that could impact how much you get from this. It’s all about committing yourself to the belief that there maybe something out there to connect to (or maybe it’s within…) and a trust that this path is worth exploring.
Getting more specific, I’ve already noticed three stages of mental state as I meditate. The first is my entering state, which is of course jumbled in thought, disconnected by breath and most days quite nervous. The best way I can describe it is the feeling of a static fuzz in the brain, like your being pinged by a million thoughts at once bouncing off every wall at extreme speeds and nothing wants to settle. This lasts for a few minutes until I focus on the third eye and my breathing. I’ve then entered into stage two when I can feel my pulse in my nose, specifically on the left side of my nose bridge, with my fingers. It’s at this moment my breathing starts to settle, breaths gets extremely deep, and I’m able to focus much more clearly. Normally by this point i’m doing the color technique or tapping my third eye, and it gives me a good couple of minutes to just sit with my breath and relax. It’s honestly been a nice break from my feeling of constant stress and tension.
Then comes the third stage, which to me is a state of complete relaxation and deep mental connection. My thoughts have slowed to a crawl, and I’m able to completely still my mind and only focus on breath, even if just for a few minutes. This seems to be when I feel the most connected to this new energy, like a new channel opens up in my body where the nervous energy converts into a cool confident energy. It could just be a byproduct of empowering visualizations, but to me this is a very interesting development and a motivating reason to continue practicing.
It seems fairly obvious that of course I’d be more relaxed after some time meditating, but there’s something more to it as well. I can feel the new energy surging through me, and it’s both empowering and rejuvenating at the same time. I feel completely full of power after connecting to this meditative state, to the point where it’s almost alarming how powerful that energy really is. It’s helped me realize a lot of the potential mistakes and bad habits I’m leading, and its helping to guide me on a better path by enforcing the power of self love and self discovery.
And this is, at least to me, the best part of this practice. So many of the religious practices I’ve looked at before are all geared towards the same thing, but I’ve never felt connected or felt instructed properly on how to do so. Now, with magick, i can see it all coming together in a way that’s inviting to me and exciting to continue exploring. This is all about making myself into a better person so I can better connect to these energies, and as I get better and grow in this practice, I’ll also be developing myself into a better person. Not only for myself, but to better help others along in their process.
It reminds me a lot of what Damien Echols was and is to me as a mentor. He didn’t try to persuade me to do this, he didn’t sell me a program or product, or swindle me into some random belief system. I simply listened to him in how he carries himself and how he interacts with the world, and said to myself I want that too. I want his level of confidence, I want his assured mentality in whatever he’s doing. If magick can help me get there, then by all means I’m in. And I guess what I’m getting at here is that nobody had to talk me into this, nobody forced my hand and nobody is going to coach me through this. I did this on my own because I wanted to, and because I feel a calling and deep connection to it. So as it stands I’m simply planning to do the same and let people see for themselves how this impacts me. They might just see in me what I’ve seen in Damien Echols, and that would be a my dream.
Alright I guess that’s enough ranting for one day, and certainly a decent reflection to kick this journal back into motion. Just to be clear, I don’t expect to develop any following with this page, this is just a way for me to reflect in a space that allows the opportunity for others to interact with it and potentially offer insight. If this resonated with you at all or if you have any advice to share, I’d love to hear about it!
Thanks y’all. Talk to ya soon.
Dymz
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