Late Night Rant #2 – Divine Downloads

I’m not sure what to write today, so I’m just going to rant for a little while. One thing I’d like to talk about is my health, a usual on this blog. One of the most frustrating parts of my life nowadays has been my inability to stay fully disciplined on the weekends. Frustrating is probably not the best word, but I’m sticking with it. Almost every week I feel like I have a good 4 days Monday to Thursday of good, clean living. I wake up on time, meditate, do yoga, get a healthy breakfast in early in the day and complete my daily routine for self care before leaving for work. This always seems to get me into my best mindset to take on the day, and I’ve been feeling amazing throughout the day when I do this in the morning and stick to it for a few days. This continues into my evening routine where I hone in my hydration, continue to stretch and work out when applicable, and eat a healthy dinner in line with my macronutrient goals. Sadly, it seems every week that when Friday rolls around, this all goes right out the window. The morning is generally the same as the week, but after work I’ll have a beer or two or even three depending on the day. I usually go out with Pete to get some chicken wings or maybe a pizza, and then we’ll come home to watch a movie or a series on tv. This party goes into the evening until I feel tired enough, then I’ll crawl upstairs to my bed to crash for the night. By the next morning, a light headache and general feeling of awfulness will alert me that I’m still alive. I’ll normally lay in bed for an hour or two just feeling like crap. I wait around until the hangover and shittyness starts to fade, then I’ll waltz my way downstairs and try to piece together bits of my usual routine to get back on track.

By this time, however, it’s about 10 in the morning and most of my daily habits are forgotten because it’s past my normal time to do them. So instead of eating a healthy breakfast, I’ll opt for a quick one instead or an easy lunch to just get something in there. I’ve recently started the bad habit of going to my local Tim Hortons once a weekend to get donuts in an attempt to recollect the calories I didn’t consume for breakfast. So now just to recap, I’ve slept in 3-4 hours longer than usual, skipped having a nutritious breakfast, ignored daily self-care habits, missed morning exercise and meditation, and now I’m almost at noon with a belly full of donuts or maybe Burger King. This sets the tone for the day and not much is often accomplished from here. I’ll maybe do some grocery shopping, clean around the house or play video games for most of the remaining day until dinner, when I’ll likely eat something unhealthy again while also enjoying a beer or two. Some days I’ll get a little motivation boost in the afternoon and go hiking or take a light jog, but these are normally fairly short. The cycle from Friday night repeats and we’re back to sleeping in on Sunday, eating donuts and drinking beer again once football starts.

Thinking time here. I’m starting to notice a trend where I allow myself to ignore parts of my daily routine because I’m giving weekends special privileges. That’s not cool, and not fair to the part of me that worked so hard during the week. Those weekend habits are ruining my gains and hurting my overall chances of success. Sure it’s okay to have a cheat day or two, and some beer can be great if consumed in moderation. However, if it’s affecting my full weekend and limiting my hard-earned growth, then what is it really doing for me? Is it worth the few hours of relaxation and fun if these are the consequences? Life is about finding a balance, and right now it seems all the things I crave or want are blocking me from finding the success I truly want. This means maybe the beers on the weekend will be limited again until I find this balance. This means taking time at night to focus on self-care so that I’m able to wake up when I plan to, and get my routine set up as planned. This means taking better care to plan weekend meals, taking time to allow myself structure and use that time to focus on making myself into the best person possible. It sounds really lame to be honest, but it’s sure better than feeling awful all day.

I guess now I’m just trying to figure out how to stop this pattern, because I clearly know it’s wrong and yet I’m still doing it. At first I thought maybe my diet is too restrictive and I’m wildly lashing out when I have a chance to go off track, but I think it’s closer to the opposite. My discipline is lacking, and has been for a long time. I need to be harder on myself and stop allowing for excuses. I allowed myself to sleep in and eat donuts even though I’m fully aware they aren’t the best decisions. So how do I fix this? There’s a ton of answers out there, but I believe there is a simple solution.

Quick warning, I’m going to get a little woo-woo here. As humans, it’s understood that we have a form of unspoken bond between us and all living things, like a massive interwoven web of information and feeling. It’s not exactly physical, but more of an energy connection between us and our surroundings. The more in touch we are with ourselves, our bodies and the environment, the more we’re able to tap into this superhighway of human experience to better understand the world around us. Some might call this a 3rd eye, others might see it as a connection to the divine or anything in between. The idea essentially claims that by honing in your senses and freeing yourself from vices and worldly desires, you can start to experience a ‘divine download’. This is, in theory anyways, the idea that ancient knowledge and a supreme understanding of life can be achieved through living a simple and devoted life to one’s goals. If this is achieved, you’ll be on your way to being a master of a timeless and incredibly powerful force of energy that has guided leaders of humans for all of time.

Now I don’t want anyone going out and joining a cult, that’s not the message here. If you do, don’t drink the Kool-aid. But in all seriousness, to me this gives a pretty decent idea of where I’m lacking. I’m slowly attempting to tap into this mindset so I can get my own downloads, and every day I’m growing closer to getting a signal, but it’s getting scrambled up by all my distractions in life. TV, games, youtube, even this blog at times, really anything that’s not purposefully working to help me reach my goals is limiting the amount I can receive from these downloads. There’s an old buddhist quote I’ll borrow here – How you do anything is how you do everything. To me, this means that even though my weekdays are in line with my goals, my weekends are providing the opening for bad habits to linger. Each choice we make frames our life for the next choice. All if this is a very roundabout way to say that finding complete discipline may not come entirely from an internal source like self-discipline or a motivated frame of mind, but rather from a greater understanding of our world and the divine. Just like how my sense of smell is recovering after many years of neglect, I wonder if by tapping into this energy channel, I’ll unlock a greater sense of meaning that never knew was there. I have no idea, but it’s worth a shot.